No clue what i'm feeling

I'm feeling something or maybe it's nothing. Maybe I'm not feeling anything. I don't really know what to feel. I cant decide on an emotion so I am just emotionless. I know I'm feeling a little hurt, and lost, betrayed, forgotten, helpless, ignored, belittled, inferior, alone, looked down upon, judged, sad, angry, and there is more but I think you get the point. I am feeling all of these things but I cant figure out what the over all emotion is, what I am feeling over all. I just feel numb. I want to brake down and cry but I cant, I want to talk to someone but I cant open up. How can I talk to someone when I don't even know whats wrong? I wouldn't know where to begin and there is so much on my mind that I don't think it would ever end.

Pretender

So this morning I realized something...I'm a pretender. I put on my happy face, use my happy voice, smile and pretend like I'm fine. And when people sincerely ask me how I'm doing I cant give them a sincere answer. I just tell them I'm fine and smile. I think I say I'm fine so much that I have begun to believe it. I'm not sure why I tell people I'm fine when I'm not, it doesn't really make sense hu? Yea, I didn't think so. I guess I just assume that people don't really want to know how I am they just ask me that to be polite. I make a lot of assumptions...I probably shouldn't do that so much. I guess I need to work on being more honest, I need to be real and stop pretending because pretending to be honest isn't doing me any good.