22 days of no SI

Ok so I have been doing good 22 days and today is almost over so it is soon to be 23 days of no SI. But I'm struggling, I'm really, really struggling, this is so hard. It has been a long time since I have been clean for 22 days and I forgot exactly how hard it was. It was hard enough to go 5 or 6 days but 22 holly cow. This whole no SI thing is kicking my butt. I haven't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep a night since Wednesday, I keep having anxiety attacks, I just don't feel good. This is just so hard and I don't know when it will stop if it ever does. Am I going to live the rest of my life having anxiety attacks on a regular basis because I need to cut? How long does this feeling last? Well I ever be able to fall a sleep and once I fall a sleep will I be able to stay a sleep for longer than a few hours? Will this ever end? Will things ever go back to normal or am I always going to feel the need to cut? I have so many questions that no one can answer. I just don't know what is going on. I want to quit but its so hard, I wish I never started but i did and now I am stuck in this mess, this ongoing struggle, this tug-of-war. One minute I am doing ok staying strong and the next thing I know I cant breath and I am telling my self one cut one cut and that's it, then I'm sitting there talking myself out of it. I really don't think I cut when bad things happen or when I'm sad or stressed so much anymore. I have been working through my issues and things are getting a lot better. I just feel the need to cut, nothing has happened to trigger it I just need to do it. It's strange I know, I cant figure it out either all I know is that it sucks. And this whole depression thing is getting old. One minute I will be happy and the next minute I dont want to get out of bed, or I just want to cry or something. I cant figure it out and it's very frustrating. Those of you who know me know that I like to be in control and I have no control over the depression thing. I can act like I'm not depressed sometimes but I am still depressed, I cant control it, it sucks and I cant figure out why I feel depressed and I don't know when it's going to happen. It's like; surprise you feel depressed... it's gay. So yea I'm having a rough time and I really hope that I can continue to stay strong and not give in to temptation no matter how crappy I feel.

Please keep me in your prayers.
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength Philippians 4:13