The Urge

I was recently asked what the urge to cut feels like. I have never really thought about what the urge feels like but I am going to do my best at answering this question.

The urge to cut is unpleasant. I think it’s different for everyone but for me it starts out as a simple voice telling me to do it. It’s a calm voice just simply suggesting I should cut. But if I say no thanks the voice gets louder and louder until I cant focus on anything else. My skin begins crawling and my body begs for something sharp anything to pierce the skin and bring release. I feel like I HAVE to do it or I cant go on. My chest gets tight like there is an elephant sitting on it and I cant breath. I start to panic and begin shaking. Sometimes I cant sit still and I constantly have to move, pacing back and forth across my room. It's just an awful feeling, like you have no control. You are screaming inside. Every part of you is longing to feel that blade drag across your arm and you have to dig deep down and find that part of you, that small part of you that knows it will never work. Then you have to fight the urge.