“I’ve tried so hard and got so far
But in the end it doesn’t even matter.”
- In The End by Linkin Park.

Defeated, that’s how I’m feeling. I have tried so hard, I haven’t cut in 36 days but it doesn’t matter because I’m still miserable. Yes, I have come a long way. It used to be all I could do not to cut for 8 days. I am on day 36 now but that’s nothing compared to the rest of my life. I have been working so hard; I have been trying to fix or handover my problems, the reasons why I have been cutting. Some of them have been fixed and some of them I have been able to handover but what is the point if I‘m still miserable? It does not matter if I haven’t cut for 36 days 8 day 100 days I’m still going to be miserable, I’m still going to be sad. Don’t ask me why, it’s been that way for a long time. I was upset before I started cutting and I’m still upset now that I have stopped. So it does not matter that is been 36 days because it has been a miserable 36 days. Who wants to be miserable, sad, depressed all the time? Not me. So what good is it to stop cutting if I am miserable?