Stress Part 2

I think a majority of my stress came about on Tuesday which was the night of the survival dinner. I had to be there instead of getting things together for my relay team leaving me very few days to get things done and ready for relay on Friday. Then I got home and a few minutes later I got a phone call that unfortunately I have gotten before, not only have I gotten that phone call before but I have made that phone call before. I think that is why it stressed me out so much. The last time I remember being out driving around looking for a loved one was when my brother ran away during a really difficult and unstable time in his life and I didn't know if i was guna find him dead or alive. I dint know if i was looking for a body lying in a ditch or a kid walking down the street so I prepared myself for the worst. That phone call I got brought back a lot of memories that i had pushed under the table in hopes that they would go away... I should no by now that things don't just "go away". So I spent the next hour, hour and a half at the most looking for a loved family member and best friend. My heart brakes for him. I have been where he is, our situations are not exactly the same but similar. Right now he doesn't think that things will get better, he just wants to run to leave it behind him, to be the though kid he is and deal with it, to ignore the problems and go on with life. That was me. I ran, I sucked it up, I ignored it, I put a smile on and pretended life was grate. I didn't think that things would get any better and things still aren't grate, I have my issues, but they are better than they were, things are getting better. I just wish he could see that running doesn't do anything. I wish he could see my scars and understand that running gets you nowhere. Running doesn't make anything better, the problems don't go away because you ignore them. When you run and ignore pain, hurt, and the bad things that happen in life it still doesn't get any better. In fact it gets worse. It hurts more, it tears you apart inside and you don't know how to deal with it. So you turn to other things, the things that the world says will make you feel better. The world told me that cutting, and self injury would make me feel better but it didn't. I have been self injuring since August, my pain hasn't gone away, my problems haven't gone away, they are still there and on top of that I now struggle with an addiction. SI started out as something I did to feel better and it has escalated to something my body craves. My problems are growing not going away. I wish he could see and understand that running and turning to the world doesn't get you anywhere. I pray that he comes to understand and see that the only thing that can bring healing to his life, that can truly make him happy is Jesus Christ. I know its hard, obviously I didn't turn to Jesus when life got tough and look at me now, not turning to Christ cost me. I could have avoided a lot of pain and damage if i would have just looked to Jesus. And sometimes I still don't look to God I turn to the blade leaving "marks of madness" all over my body. I have carved words into myself that can never be erased, I am constantly reminded of my pain. Cutting didn't bring healing, drinking wont bring healing, drugs wont bring healing, sex will not bring healing, but God will we just have to ask. I just wish he could see and learn for my mistakes. But the best thing I can do is pray right?