Perfect Christian

I used to think that being a Christian meant you had to be perfect. No problems, no issues, no pain, you had to have everything together. When I would walk into that building on a Sunday morning or a Wednesday night I had to put my Church face on and be perfect. Now let me tell you something, I have decided that is the STUPIDEST thing I have ever believed or thought... well one of the stupidest things I have ever believed or thought. No one is perfect. All those people sitting in the pews, yea got news for you, none of them have it all together not even one of them. Even if they wont admit it every one has problems, pain, issues, everyone. Though some of us may hide it very well we are not perfect and we do not have it all together. I have decided that putting on a Church face is stupid, that is exactly what it is its just a face, a mask, it is being someone you are not, it is a lie. We have all heard the saying "Christians aren't perfect just forgiven." You can say that all you want but until we as Christians believe it and live it well then it will only continue to be a saying. Something to get you out of a jam when you do mess up. If we would live exposed, share our pain our hurt, if we would talk about the issues and the problems then there would be no reason to play the part of a perfect christian. There is no such thing. To be honest with you I am scared to walk into that building. I am scared to sit in that pew. I have grownup in that church, with a majority of those people. And along with most of them I would put on my church face every time i walked through those doors. Until recently, when the pain could no longer be hidden. Over time I have realised that I don't want to hide it. I don't want to be that person. I have been spending so much time trying to figure out who I am. I feel like I have lost myself in all of this. I continually see myself as a failure and a cutter but a good friend recently pointed out to me that I am so much more then this cutter that I see myself as. and that's when I realised that I don't have to be thins person. I don't have to be the perfect christian, the girl that cuts, all the things that i was in the past all the things that I see myself as now, that is not who I want to be, that is not who I am. When people see me I want them to see that I am human and I make mistakes like everyone else. I want to be someone people feel safe talking to. I want them to see that I am real, that what you see is what you get. I want people to see that I am a week human being but a strong christian. That is what I want. I want people to know that I am a sinner. There is a verse in 1 John chapter 1 that says "If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word has no place in out lives." If I try to get back into this whole perfect christian act I'm just making God look like a liar and well making God look like a liar... that's not ok. It is ok to be weak. 2 Corinthians chapter 12 says " But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." There for I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ's power may rest on me." So guess what guys I am weak but God is strong and through Him I can do ALL things.