More sad than usual

So today I'm just kindu sad, more than usual. Today has been a good day I had a doughnut for breakfast and it's firehouse day at the office. No one has said anything or done anything to upset me. I have not gotten any bad news today. Most would consider it a fairly decent day. I don't know I'm just feeling extra sad depressed if you will. I just kindu woke up like this, some times that happens, I just wake up and really see no point to getting out of bed. See I have been refusing to except the fact that I am depressed because it is just normal, it's a normal feeling to me. I feel like this a lot. Even in middle school I felt like this. I think it is a more constant feeling now then it was back then, but it's become normal. But the more people tell me you're depressed and the more I learn about depression I begin to see that I am depressed. Why am I depressed? That is a question I would love to have the answer to! I honestly don't know why I'm depressed I just know that I am. I don't know how to fix it but I'm hoping that this counseling thing will be able to solve some of this. My councilor wants me to take a little quiz or survey to see exactly how depressed I am. I don't want to be depressed and I think that's been part of the problem. I have not wanted to accept that something is wrong so I just ignore it. Put on a happy face and act like it's all good. Really that did more harm than good, just made things worse. I used to think this is me, this is who I am and there's nothing anyone can do about it, but the more I sit back and think the more I begin to realize that this is not me, I don't want this to be me, I don't like feeling like this, and I need help. I think that the things going on at this point in my life have just kindu made it all worse. I don't know how to handle it all. I just feel like life is to much right now. There is so much going on, so much stress. How do you handle it all? It's just not helping. So today I just feel extra sad. Why? That would be the million dollar question. Life stinks. I guess I will have to just suck it up and deal. God won't give me more than I can handle right? So why do I feel like I can't handle it? I don't know, I'm running out of ideas, out of ways to "deal". Nothing actually permanently fixes the problem none of my ideas are permanent. They are only temporary fixes. I'm so sick of temporary fixes, I want things to get better and I want them to stay that way. You know?