I Need You To Love Me

I Need You To Love Me - Barlowgirl

Why? Why are you still here with me?

Didn’t you see what I’ve done?

In my shame I want to run,

And hide myself.

Yeah, but it’s here I see the truth,

I don’t deserve you.

But I need you to love me,

And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.

And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,

Somehow deserve what I already have

I need you to love me

I, I have wasted so much time

Pushing you away from me.

I just never saw how you

Could cherish me.

Cause you’re a God who has all things,

And still you want me.

And I need you to love me,

And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.

And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,

Somehow deserve what I already have

Yeah, ye-ea-eah

Your love makes me forget what I have been.

Your love makes me see who I really am.

Your love makes me forget what I have been, oh-oh.

And I need you to love me, yeah

I need you to love me, ye-ea-eah!

And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,

Somehow deserve what I already have

Somehow deserve what I already have

I need you to love me, yeahI need you to…

oh oh oh oh eo

oh oh oh oh eo

oh oh oh oh eo

oh oh oh oh eo

Love me, love me, yah

This song is one of my favorites. It is so awesome how God does this. He knows whats going on in your head so then you go to Church and hear a lesson on how everything you are thinking is a lie from Satan and then your youth minister plays a song that is exactly what you need to hear. Now every time I feel like I'm not good enough this song pops into my head and I'm immediately reminded that he wants me. Even though I messed up, he is still here with me, and he loves me. I don't have to pretend to be perfect because He loves me even with all my flaws. I will never be good enough for Him so pretending is pointless, I just need to be real. When I am week He is strong.

So, I realized something. It's amazing how the music I listen to can affect the mood I'm in. I have been listening to Linkin Park alot lately, now i still love Linkin Park don't get me wrong. They have some really good lyrics but alot of them are really depressing. They can be really negative sometimes. Listening to songs like Bleed It Out or Nobody's Listening, I mean those don't sound too encouraging to me. Singing lyrics like:

"Try to give you warning
But everyone ingnores me
(Told you everything loud and clear)
But nobody's listening
Call to you so clearly
But you don't want to hear me
(Told you everything loud and clear)
But nobody's listening"
or
"Find a new place to hang this noose
String me up from atop these roofs
Knot it tight so i won't get loose
Truth is you can stop and stare
Bled myself out and no one cares
Dug the trench out laid down there
With a shovel up out of reach some where
Yeah, someone pour it in
Make it a dirt dance floor again"

I mean HELLO, how false is that? No wonder I feel so sad and angry, I'm singing songs about people not listening to me, not only am I singing these lyrics but there are times when I believe them and that's a problem. It's a lie, it's a lie that Satan would love for me to believe. I start listening to these songs when I'm feeling alone or depressed but really they don't build me up and make me feel better, I just feel worse. People do listen to me, and even though I don't always feel loved I know there are people who love me and do care about me other wise they wouldn't have a problem with what I'm doing. So I started listening to Aaron Pelsue and you know what I don't feel so depressed. My mood goes from sad to happy as soon as I start to sing along. I love it. My attitude goes from bad to good, it's awesome! I have never felt so happy, so loved. Weather you believe it or not the music you listen to affects you so don't put crap in your head.

So it is 6:00 in the morning and I have def been up since like 5:30... can you say EW! Had to take my mom to work so that I can take the car to school. PS. It's like super cold outside and I almost died. I was so cold I was shaking and let me tell you it can be very difficult to drive when your ENTIRE body is shaking. So yesterday my teacher decided to be a bird and flap his "wings" and run around the class room. I was like oh hey there's a Big Ol Bird in my class. But really like that's not ok, you don't just do that. He also decided to be a chicken and he wanted us to get up and act like chickens with him BUT we definitely did not do that. I wonder what he's guna do today... should be interesting, it always is. I am so bored but I can’t go to bed cuz if I fall a sleep I will not be getting up,making me absent from school and you only get 5 absence till you get dropped and in my personal opinion that is RIDICULOUS. I will be paying a visit to the local starbucks to purchase a warm caffeinated beverage. This should help with 2 problems I will be having during my BORING first period class. Problem number one: I will be having a hard time staying awake do to the lack of sleep I received last night. The caffeine in my warm beverage should help with that. Problem number 2: I will be cold. The warmth of my caffeinated beverage should help with that, at least until I drink it all.

This blog really has no point, I just needed something to do so that I didn't fall asleep. It is now time for me to go get ready for class... "/. Have a marvelous day, hopefully better than my will be <3

When the oceans rise

And thunders roar

I will soar with you

Above the storm

Father you are king

Over the flood

And I will be still

Know you are God

had a moment that I just wanted to shair with you

Ok so I just finished taking the Christmas lights off of my house. Now as I am standing on the roof rolling the lights up so that I can pack them nicely into there box to be used next year I see something black floating in the air very close to me. It was at that moment when I realized it was a spider hanging from the lights that I was rolling up. I then began jumping around on the roof screaming "there is a spider on me!" and my younger brother Caleb who is also helping me take the lights down begins to laugh at me. I take a moment to look around and see if the spider is gone and I realize it is not. So I then start to scream "it is still on me!". I throw the lights away from me and start jumping again and begin brushing my self off hoping to brush the spider off of me. I then run to the other side of the roof away from the lights. I begin to calm down and look around for any sign of that stupid spider. By the way Caleb is still laughing at me. So I see no signs of the spider and begin walking back to pick up the lights when I feel something crawling on my arm. I spaz out AGAIN and begin running in circles on the roof. Like I'm running around the whole roof spazing and jumping and screaming "there is a spider on me! GET IT OFF!". Caleb is busting up laughing at me now. I look up and across the street I see my neighbor standing in his driveway watching me spaz out on my roof and running around in circles. Oh and Caleb is still laughing at me. You know what? All I have to say is... what if that spider was poisonous?

I felt like an idiot so I just thought I would tell you.