I want to be remembered as the girl who smiles
even though her heart is broken
and the one who could always brighten up your day
even if she couldent brighten her own.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Just a thought
"Not all scars show, not all wounds heal, sometimes you can’t always see the pain someone feels."
I saw this quote on a website about cutting but I really liked the last part "sometimes you can’t always see the pain someone feels" It's true, we don’t know what’s going on in other peoples lives. I don’t know why that guy cut me off yesterday on my way home from school. I don’t know why some lady was honking at me to go before I even had time to get my foot off the brake. I don’t know why the lady at the checkout counter is being so rude. We just don’t know. Maybe the lady at the checkout counter just got some bad news but is unable to leave work, maybe the guy who cut me off is in a hurry to get to the hospital because his wife is there, and maybe the lady honking at me two seconds after the light had turned green is in a hurry to get home because her kid called and something happened. You never know what’s going on in peoples lives, why they are acting the way they are acting. And you know what, maybe all those people are acting that way because they are just strait up impatient jerks who think you’re slowing them down. But just because someone is rude to us does not mean it’s a free pass to be rude right back.
I am really good at being rude sometimes. I once had someone honk at me to go as I was turning into my neighborhood and I didn’t like that they were being so impatient so I decided to teach them a lesson by going 10mph under the speed limit till I got to my street. There was a line of cars behind me and I could see that the car that honked at me was pissed and that made me pretty happy. Boy did I teach that jerk a lesson. I taught him to be patient, to wait a few min before you go crazy and start honking your horn. HA! Yea I'm sure that’s what I taught him. You know what I probably taught him? I probably taught him that Christians are jerks just like the rest of the world. I probably taught him that it doesn’t matter if they have a Z88.3 bumper sticker on the back of there car or one that says body piercing saved my life with a nail going into the hand of Christ. Yep thats probably what I taught him, Christians are no different than anyone else.
Just because someone is rude to us it is not a free pass to be rude back, it's an opportunity to be Christ. We don’t know the reason behind the attitude so lets quit assuming everyone who cuts us off is a jerk and every rude person at the checkout is not a people person. Maybe they are having a bad day so lets not be the ones who make it worse by being rude back. Not all scars are visible and we cant always see the pain the others are going dealing with.
I saw this quote on a website about cutting but I really liked the last part "sometimes you can’t always see the pain someone feels" It's true, we don’t know what’s going on in other peoples lives. I don’t know why that guy cut me off yesterday on my way home from school. I don’t know why some lady was honking at me to go before I even had time to get my foot off the brake. I don’t know why the lady at the checkout counter is being so rude. We just don’t know. Maybe the lady at the checkout counter just got some bad news but is unable to leave work, maybe the guy who cut me off is in a hurry to get to the hospital because his wife is there, and maybe the lady honking at me two seconds after the light had turned green is in a hurry to get home because her kid called and something happened. You never know what’s going on in peoples lives, why they are acting the way they are acting. And you know what, maybe all those people are acting that way because they are just strait up impatient jerks who think you’re slowing them down. But just because someone is rude to us does not mean it’s a free pass to be rude right back.
I am really good at being rude sometimes. I once had someone honk at me to go as I was turning into my neighborhood and I didn’t like that they were being so impatient so I decided to teach them a lesson by going 10mph under the speed limit till I got to my street. There was a line of cars behind me and I could see that the car that honked at me was pissed and that made me pretty happy. Boy did I teach that jerk a lesson. I taught him to be patient, to wait a few min before you go crazy and start honking your horn. HA! Yea I'm sure that’s what I taught him. You know what I probably taught him? I probably taught him that Christians are jerks just like the rest of the world. I probably taught him that it doesn’t matter if they have a Z88.3 bumper sticker on the back of there car or one that says body piercing saved my life with a nail going into the hand of Christ. Yep thats probably what I taught him, Christians are no different than anyone else.
Just because someone is rude to us it is not a free pass to be rude back, it's an opportunity to be Christ. We don’t know the reason behind the attitude so lets quit assuming everyone who cuts us off is a jerk and every rude person at the checkout is not a people person. Maybe they are having a bad day so lets not be the ones who make it worse by being rude back. Not all scars are visible and we cant always see the pain the others are going dealing with.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
I really want to cut right now. I haven’t cut for 17 almost 18 days and now I’m feeling the need to cut. I keep thinking – just one little cut, just one – but I know that as soon as I make that one little cut I will not be able to stop. I will continue to cut over and over again. The cuts will get deeper and deeper and I will just keep going because I won’t care anymore. One cut could turn into 20 in a matter of minutes or seconds even.
I have been able to control myself pretty well these past few days, I have been able to fight the urge, the desire to cut. But I know that as the days continue to go by the desire to cut will continue to get stronger and harder to fight. I know this because I have tried to stop cutting before. I have gone 47 days without cutting then turned around and gave in, I cut 11 times taking me from day 47 and putting me back at day one.
I have gone back to day one, back to start many times. It’s an overwhelming feeling of failure and I hate it. But the feeling I get in the midst of cutting is an overwhelming feeling of relief. I want to feel that relief but I dread the feeling of failure. How can I feel the relief without the feeling of failure afterwards?
I’m going to go do some devotions now. Maybe I will feel better after I spend some time in Gods word.
I have been able to control myself pretty well these past few days, I have been able to fight the urge, the desire to cut. But I know that as the days continue to go by the desire to cut will continue to get stronger and harder to fight. I know this because I have tried to stop cutting before. I have gone 47 days without cutting then turned around and gave in, I cut 11 times taking me from day 47 and putting me back at day one.
I have gone back to day one, back to start many times. It’s an overwhelming feeling of failure and I hate it. But the feeling I get in the midst of cutting is an overwhelming feeling of relief. I want to feel that relief but I dread the feeling of failure. How can I feel the relief without the feeling of failure afterwards?
I’m going to go do some devotions now. Maybe I will feel better after I spend some time in Gods word.
Monday, February 4, 2008
You see my pain and hurt
These scars they say it all
Still you stair and whisper
You talk teach time I fall
Have you no compassion
No uplifting words to share
Is this all you can do
As you sit there and stair
The hatful words they whisper
Some say them to may face
They are not words of love
They show no compassion, no grace
Yet we call ourselves Christians
Followers of Christ
But the things we say and do
Do not reflect His life
These scars they say it all
Still you stair and whisper
You talk teach time I fall
Have you no compassion
No uplifting words to share
Is this all you can do
As you sit there and stair
The hatful words they whisper
Some say them to may face
They are not words of love
They show no compassion, no grace
Yet we call ourselves Christians
Followers of Christ
But the things we say and do
Do not reflect His life
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