The Beast

Here it goes again, trapped in these endless agonizing hours. Unable to silence that within me that cries out for release. This nameless faceless anxiety that refuses to cease. And all the benadryl, long walks, and desperate pleading in the world could not tame this beast.

The painful reality is I know what will. I possess the knowledge of the remedy…something that works each and every time or so it seems. My skin crawls, every cell in my body, and every ounce of my being begs for the blade…the blood…the pain. That tiny sliver of mettle pressed against my skin, that is my remedy.

But I can not allow this beast to consume me…devouring me and swallowing my progress and steps forward. I know a light exists at the end of this dark cold tunnel even if fear chokes its glow for these few endless hours.

And so I wait in hungry expectation for the gift of sleep, or the brilliance of morning, satisfied with whichever comes first.